A Voice found in Guatemala

This year, I had the honor of serving as a trip coordinator. Not an easy task to say the least, and honestly I only saw a fraction of the work that goes behind being a trip coordinator. After months of preparation, having zoom meetings, coordinating with a group of 20 people across 13 states, and organizing a weeklong medical trip in a different country, I learned how much patience and flexibility the role required.

 When I got the phone call from Dr. Lauri asking if I would take on this position I was in utter disbelief. I questioned what she saw in me, a 21 year old, at the time in my senior year, and with little medical experience, that made her believe I would be capable of this. I would typically consider myself a very shy, quiet, and timid person. Anxiety has often made it difficult for me to even speak in front of a room full of people, let alone lead one. Yet I agreed and was incredibly grateful for the opportunity. As the months went on, I was supported by the entire Guatemala team and felt very prepared and genuinely excited for this trip, until about two weeks before leaving. The anxiety hit and I began to tell myself that I had no business going, let alone serving as a trip coordinator. I had what's often called imposter syndrome and I felt like I had been wearing a mask of confidence that would inevitably fall. The closer the days got to leaving my excitement slowly gave way to anxiousness which was really hard for me because I knew that this was such a special opportunity that I wanted so badly to  be excited for.

When I finally got to meet all the alumni and medical team that I hadn’t met in person before, some of my anxiety left. I realized they weren’t as scary and intimidating as I had convinced myself they were. But I didn’t want to get too ahead of myself, I knew that the real work was yet to come. The first day of the clinic, anything that could go wrong did. Every preparation and schedule we had spent months preparing for went straight out the window and it was time for fast on the go thinking. There were times that I had to take initiative, when I had to speak up, times when I had to simply go with the flow, and countless times that I had to step outside of my comfort zone. It was stressful and I found myself criticizing and second guessing everything I was doing. Then everything settled for just a moment. I paused and looked around and I was amazed. I had forgotten all about the beauty of La Ciudad de la Esperanza, I had forgotten about all the faces filled with hope, the incredible strength of the people, and the families who carried unimaginable burdens while still showing up with resilience and gratitude. I had lost sight of the bigger picture. Suddenly all of the chaos, the anxiety, and the stress seemed so small, so minute, and so incredibly worth it. 

It was as if an internal switch had flipped, I found myself speaking louder, becoming more assertive, more confident, and less afraid of the unknown. For the first time I truly felt like I had found my voice. 

For Edwin Adolfo and Edwin Aberlado, 10 year old twin males with a history of cerebral palsy and  meningitis, I found my voice. For their mother who’s a recent widow with 5 children making less than $50 a year, I found my voice. For Dana Sofia, a 3 year old female with bilateral below the knee amputations whose resilience and joy inspired everyone around her, I found my voice. For Ramiro, who lives with severe rheumatoid arthritis and traveled 6 hours on a bus just to receive medical care, I found my voice. For Cesar, who lives with frequent gout flare ups, hypertension, esophagitis, yet who always has a smile on his face, I found my voice. And for every person with limited resources, few options, and the constant uncertainty of what tomorrow may bring, I found my voice.

I am beyond blessed to be able to have the opportunities that I do, to be surrounded by people who support and believe in me, and this trip showed me that I cannot be afraid to use those blessings to advocate for those who don’t have the same opportunities. I didn't find my voice because I stopped being afraid, I found it because the people I was serving mattered more than my fears.

Once again I leave Cobán, Guatemala feeling more complete than I did when I arrived. I boarded the plane wondering whether I deserved to be there and I left knowing that the greatest privilege was discovering how to use my voice to serve others. 

As I continue my journey toward becoming a physician I know there will be moments when I’ll feel unprepared, overwhelmed, and incapable, but now I’ll always have this experience to look back on. I’ll remember the people of Cobán who reminded me that medicine isn’t about having every answer, it's about showing up with compassion and a willingness to serve. 

- Alexxis Munoz